Let me give a shameless sales pitch for Freia’s Melkesjokolade.

The two times my fiance visited me in Texas prior to me immigrating, he brought with him enough chocolate to kill a number of medium-sized canines.

Sure, Smash is really good. It’s essentially chocolate-covered Bugles. Smil is like a Rolo that went to an Ivy League university. Kvikk Lunsj is everyone’s favorite trail snack (besides knekkebrød and brunost, which will have its own post). While I haven’t personally tried it, I hear it is basically a KitKat fit for a king.

But let’s get back to the real deal, here.

Once I had Melkesjokolade, that was it. It’s “et lite stykke Norge” (a little piece of Norway), and after you try it, you will wish you were a little resident of Norway so that you could have it whenever you wanted.

In between visits to and from Norway, I ate a fun-sized Mr. Goodbar. Mistake. It tasted like, well, dirt. Granted, I didn’t know how old it was, and its possible antiquity could have contributed to the soil-like taste and texture, but wow. I remembered even out-of-date American candy bars tasting at least decent, but Norwegian chocolate has ruined me for it.

Naturally, we had to figure out why it tasted better. We all know that chocolate isn’t just chocolate. At Wal-Mart (which Norway doesn’t have, by the way), there is every price range and quality of chocolate short of going to the Godiva store or something. We examined a Hershey’s bar and compared the contents with a little piece of Norway. The biggest difference we found was that Norwegian chocolate has more lard or rendered animal fat, and American chocolate has more refined sugar. I’m not sure that either of those ingredients is good for you, but at least if you are eating the lard-filled one, you are enjoying what you are eating.